Saturday, May 31, 2008

Rest for my weary soul...

The alarm never sounded.  It was just a watch, but I couldn't get past the fear!  I tried to sleep but was awakened numerous times with an overwhelming sence of fear.  The same fear I once that I had thought I had overcome.  Apparently that fear still lingers.

It's an irrational palms get stomach heart races...I'm awakened from a deep sleep.

It all started with the News breaking in.  Thunderstorm warnings popping up in the next state over.  I watched intently as they showed the big green blob with yellows and reds moving across the states.  I went back to doing my business as normal.

A few minutes later, they break in again with Tornado heart races a little with the news.  They are still a state away, so I go about my business...keeping an eye on the news.

The news was on right before I went to bed.  They were talking about those severe thunderstorms that had the capabilities of producing tornado's.  I felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest.  I wake my husband up to tell him I'm going to bed.

We head upstairs and I can feel that fear welling up deep down inside.  I couldn't shake it.  I turned the tv on and laid down for the night.  They were back to regular programming, but I couldn't sleep.  I was exhausted, but the fear kept me awake.

I would doze, then be jolted out of my sleep...only to see the regular programming running on the tv.  I decided to turn off the tv and try to sleep without it on.  That didn't work...I tossed and turned.  Then came the loud BOOM of the thunder.  I knew the storm had made it to our town.  I flipped on the radio.  I was sick to my stomach, scared out of my wits, praying my family would be safe.

Since I've been through this so many times when we lived in MN.  (You see, my fear of tornado's started when we lived in Minnesota.   It could be because they sounded those blasted tornado alarms for a simple thunderstorm, so you never knew if it was just a thunderstorm or if it had the capabilities of producing a tornado.)  I began repeating my verse that always seems to get me out of this fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7

And as usual, my fears started to calm down and I was able to rest.

So today, all I wanted to do was sleep, but there was so many things planned today, I haven't had the time.  And now if I were to lay down (fully knowing I would fall asleep), I would be wide awake come bedtime.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


Unfortunately, most people would like to just get through the grief as quickly as possible.  Grief is a that takes time.  How much?  Well, that depends on the person going through the grief.  Some people process it quicker than others.  Some get stuck on one step of the grief process.

What is grief?  Wikipedia defines it as:

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, whether it be a friend, family, or other close companion. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss.

How does one process grief?  Commonly there are 5 stages of grief.

Denial - "this can't be happening to me"...Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

Anger - "why me?"...Anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

Bargaining - Attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

Depression - Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.

Acceptance - there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that the person is gone that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. Stay with fond memories of person.

I'm seeing this happen in our church from the loss of a young child, to the loss of close family members.  I'm also seeing these steps processed in our family.  My dad internalizes his emotions and we are seeing that through the numbers when he checks his blood (he has diabetes).

Where am I?  Well, I think I'm on the acceptance phase.

Beloved Grandmother

My grandmother went home to be with the Lord on Thursday evening at 10:15 (May 15, 2008).

She had been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 years. 

About a month ago, she started taking a turn for the worst.  They called in hospice to care for her in her home and keep her comfortable.

She has 1 Daughter, 3 Sons, 1 Step Daughter, and 1 Step Son.  She has 4 Granddaughters, 4 Grandsons, 4 Step Grandsons, and 3 Step Granddaughters.  She has 12 Great Grandsons, 7 Great Granddaughters, and many step Grandsons/daughters (I'm unclear of the number and some of those have had children of their own as well).

She lived a few blocks from my parent's house and we visited with her often when I was younger.  As I got older, I seen her frequently until I got married and moved away.  Then I would only see her a couple times a year.

When we lived in Colorado, we had the wonderful privilege of her coming out for a visit.  She came with my mom and dad for a week!  What a great time!  Although she was on oxygen, we were still able to make a trip up into the mountains, and to the Butterfly Pavilion.  She talked about that for years.  When she was there, we only had "M".  He sat and played Dominoes with her for hours!  He loved it (although he probably doesn't remember it since he was only 2).

Every year we had a few reunions for that side of the family.  We always had fun.  2 years ago, "M" sat and played a marble game that every Grandchild played with her.  

"M" still talks about that to this day.

My Grandmother did taxes for a living, so many people in this small community knew who she was.  She will definitely be missed.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's day is tomorrow.  I pray that each of you mother's out there have a wonderful day with your families.

Mother's Day Poem
Author Unknown

"Happy Mother's Day" means more
Than have a happy day.
Within those words lie lots of things
We never get to say.

It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I honor you.

But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love.

Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her Proverbs 31:28 NKJ

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Mother's Like Deadliest Catch?

Kevin loves likes Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel.  The last time it was on, I saw an advertisement for a Deadliest Catch Mother's Day Marathon.  So, do Mother's like the Deadliest Catch or do they watch it because their husband's watch it?

For me, I watch it only because that's what Kevin is's not something I would choose if I had control of the remote.  It just struck me as odd that they would hold a marathon of something that seems (to me) to be for men on Mother's day.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Bible Study

Do you attend one?  What are you studying?  If you attend one, would you encourage others to attend?  Why?

We are having a Ministry Fair on Sunday which also includes our Small Groups in our Church.  Our Monday Night Bible Study is having a "booth"...I (along with everyone else in the group) was asked to give a statement as to why we attended that group.  Our leader is making a poster board for it.

Here is what I sent in...

Why do you attend Monday Night Ladies’ Bible Study?

For me, Monday is my “Girls Night Out”.  Coffee…Talk…and a Bible Study all wrapped up in one!  I get to meet other women in our church and really get to know them.  How many times I have felt all alone, I go to Bible Study, share with the ladies there what is on my heart and realize I am NOT alone!  It has been such a blessing to me to get to know this group of women.  I can call them my friends!  I love this group!!!