Saturday, May 31, 2008

Rest for my weary soul...

The alarm never sounded.  It was just a watch, but I couldn't get past the fear!  I tried to sleep but was awakened numerous times with an overwhelming sence of fear.  The same fear I once had...one that I had thought I had overcome.  Apparently that fear still lingers.

It's an irrational fear...my palms get sweaty...my stomach churns...my heart races...I'm awakened from a deep sleep.

It all started with the News breaking in.  Thunderstorm warnings popping up in the next state over.  I watched intently as they showed the big green blob with yellows and reds moving across the states.  I went back to doing my business as normal.

A few minutes later, they break in again with Tornado warnings...my heart races a little with the news.  They are still a state away, so I go about my business...keeping an eye on the news.

The news was on right before I went to bed.  They were talking about those severe thunderstorms that had the capabilities of producing tornado's.  I felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest.  I wake my husband up to tell him I'm going to bed.

We head upstairs and I can feel that fear welling up deep down inside.  I couldn't shake it.  I turned the tv on and laid down for the night.  They were back to regular programming, but I couldn't sleep.  I was exhausted, but the fear kept me awake.

I would doze, then be jolted out of my sleep...only to see the regular programming running on the tv.  I decided to turn off the tv and try to sleep without it on.  That didn't work...I tossed and turned.  Then came the loud BOOM of the thunder.  I knew the storm had made it to our town.  I flipped on the radio.  I was sick to my stomach, scared out of my wits, praying my family would be safe.

Since I've been through this so many times when we lived in MN.  (You see, my fear of tornado's started when we lived in Minnesota.   It could be because they sounded those blasted tornado alarms for a simple thunderstorm, so you never knew if it was just a thunderstorm or if it had the capabilities of producing a tornado.)  I began repeating my verse that always seems to get me out of this fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7

And as usual, my fears started to calm down and I was able to rest.

So today, all I wanted to do was sleep, but there was so many things planned today, I haven't had the time.  And now if I were to lay down (fully knowing I would fall asleep), I would be wide awake come bedtime.

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